SCLB Interview with Andrea, 25 year old Hispanic Muslim

Saudi Children Left Behind interview with Andrea

Would you please state your age, race & religion.
I’m 25 years old, Hispanic, and revert Muslim.

Where/how did you met your Saudi. How long did the relationship last?
We met in College and we had a long-term relationship. We had lived together for over 2 years until my four-month of pregnancy when he finally decided to abandoned us.

What was your Saudi’s reaction to the pregnancy?
At beginning we both were surprised because I was taking birth control pills. When I told him the news we were in shock. First he said he was not ready for fatherhood and we should have an abortion. But a few months before we had a miscarriage and was horrible. So I told him I would not abort, that he had seen how much I had suffered for it. So, at the end he accepted and said we were going to be together. The first four months of pregnancy all was well, he talked and sang to our baby, touched my belly, and seemed excited.

Were your family members accepting of the relationship? How do they currently view the situation?
My family always accepted my boyfriend. The role of family in a situation like this is so difficult but in my case i decided to do not involve my family. Of course they are aware that we are not longer together but I never told them how he left and all I have been going through. This decision is because i do not want any one talk bad things about the father of my son infront of him and i do not want he grow with bad feeling toward his father, well not from my side. I believe the day when he can ask his father why he was not involve in his life will come, so i will leave it in Allah hands.

Describe your current situation.(your life, your child’s life, current situation with Saudi, etc.)
My life today is a mixture of emotions, feelings and situations. I am currently living practically alone, raising and caring for my child without help from anyone, as my family is not in this country. Therefore has not been an easy situation, adding that now I’m not working because my son is a newborn so we are not financially stable. Although my son thank God has everything he needs for now, I have sought ways to provide him all that, even I have asked several times the help of the father of my son, but I have not received anything from him (and it’s not about money), despite that said over and over again that he would be in the life of our child and if he need something I just have to ask him and he will provide.
On the other hand, my situation with my boyfriend, is very complicated. After so much time together has been very difficult being away and until now we both are not able to overcome it. Although he acts as if nothing mattered I am sure he is drinking a lot and living a hell feeling guilty of leaving us in that coward way.

Will the father be involved in any way in raising your child?
He says yes, but so far he has shown no real signs of being there for him. All he does is promise, promise, and promise, but at the end his words are in the air. I’ve said to him that if he will not accomplish at least the promise of be in his son’s life the best he can do is tell me the truth and I won’t keeping my child expecting his father will be in his life. But in anyway my son will not have bad comments about his father.

How are you dealing with the lack of support? (financial, emotional)
Of course. We were like a marriage but we never signed a paper or went to a Mosque to get married. He left me with four months pregnant with the promise that he would be back in three weeks from KSA, but that never happened until a few months ago that he came back to the U.S. but not with me. To this day he has not supported me economic or emotionally, unlike I’ve been always there for him, supporting him even though he has been the man who has caused me the biggest pain in my entire life. I guess he does not think that I need him to support me and support his son in the same way I’ve been to, or at least showing a little bit of respect to the person he loved once. Before couples were friends, and now that friendship does not exist, or is so difficult to carry on.

What are your hopes for the future?
I really hope my boyfriend keep in touch with his son, maybe not in 100% but at least be involved in his life. I think one day he will regret abandoned us and hopefully would not be too late. Meanwhile, I want for my son to be a happy child, full of love and grow without any bitterness toward his father. The economic future does not worry me because my son will have all that I can give him, however I am concerned about his emotional stability. But I believe God knows best how will be the life of my child and if his father will be there for him, if not God will ask him why in the day of Judgment.

What advice would you give to another woman in your current situation?
I would advise them to focus on her pregnancy. Of course is harsh situation being abandoned by your boyfriend while you are pregnant, but God has given you the blessing of carrying a child in your womb for 9 months and then the privilege of being his/her mother. Unfortunately I do not enjoy my pregnancy because I felt devastated by the way that left me, I spent most of the time crying because we never stopped talking but until this day I do not have an answer why he had left us. Also I would say that they are not alone, they won’t be the first or the last girl in this situation, and that love of a son/daughter is the closest to a true love and is not worth putting your boyfriend first than your child.

Is there anything you would you like to say to your Saudi?
I would like to say many things… but the only thing I can say here is “May God forgive you for all the pain you have caused to me and to your son while he was in my womb. I wish you got your perfect wife with your perfect children but be sure that if you decide to abandon you son you will never live in peace wondering how is he and watching your own “legal” children growing while you do not know nothing about your first son.”

Follow Andrea on her blog @ http://abandonedchildrenbytheirsaudifather.blogspot.com/

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